Making It Right
by Ripptyd
Summary: My version of the show after Friends With Benefits.
1. Sitting, Wishing, Waiting

"Mmhm. Okay, well I guess I'll just call you tomorrow. Alright, bye." The voice on the other end softly told her.

Spencer sighed loudly, holding the phone to her forehead after hanging up. On Ashley's third attempt in calling her, she had finally given in and answered. The blonde shuffled around her room aimlessly, her fingers toyed with a stray piece of thread from her top.

The moment she had come home, after avoiding Glen's brotherly prying, she practically ripped the dress from her body and changed into something else, anything else. She couldn't stand the feeling of it. Every shift of her body made Ashley's face leaning closer to her own flash in front of her eyes. Spencer kept squeezing her eyes shut as if it blinded her.

She hadn't been lying when she told Ashley shyly that she had been thinking of her while kissing Aiden. And she certainly wasn't faking her breath hitching a bit when Ashley smiled at her, while telling her the same. But Spencer was sure she was delusional at the moment that the other girl's fingertips reached out and brushed her neck. Maybe even partially insane as the brunette whispered two simple words, meant to reassure, right before…

Right before the testosterone oozed its way back into the room, just short of catcalling to the girls on the bed. The recent memory of it explained her sudden urge to throw her phone to her bed, cursing under her breath. Spencer could remember the details so vividly; she couldn't help but play it over and over in her mind.

The blonde stopped moving about the room and stood still, closing her eyes. A deep, shuddering breath followed.

_"Really?" _

_She could feel her head weighing fifty pounds, nodding as Ashley's face lit up. _

_A blush had crept up her face at the information she had put upon the table. Her face tilted down, not sure what she was trying to hide from the girl at her side. _

_She wanted to believe Ashley so much when she told her "It's okay," but something in the pit of her stomach was pushing too painfully. Ashley's breath was on her lips, but this wasn't right._

In all honesty, she had been planning on moving back before Ashley could kiss her. Did she really want this kiss while they had been pawing on Aiden just moments before? Spencer didn't want her first kiss with this girl, with **any** girl, to be something on the backburner.

It didn't help matters much that she still had no idea about what her feelings were exactly. Was she looking for an experiment, a relationship, or was she just confused beyond reason by the move, the new place, and the new people?

Chewing on her bottom lip for a moment, Spencer opened her eyes and looked around before grabbing her laptop and dragging it to her bed.

She wasn't going to answer any significant questions in a weekend, in fact it might only raise more, but it was a start…


	2. Slow Down

Lazy bastard.

Glen wasn't answering the door when he was sitting right there. Instead he flipped through any sports channel he could find, while loafing around on the couch. Spencer grumbled as she made her way away from the kitchen and her sandwich to the front door. She had no time to recover when she opened the door to find the brunette standing on her doorstep.

"Ashley!" Spencer's blue eyes were wide

"Well, you still know my name at least." Her voice was gentle, causing Spencer to blush out of embarrassment, while cocking her head to side at Ashley's words.

The blonde stepped aside, a silent invitation inside the house. Spencer could feel Ashley's eyes glued to her. She turned a new shade of pink as she forced herself to drown in chocolate brown. They stood like that in the hall for several moments, the only sounds being their breathing and a sports announcer filtering in from the television.

Spencer took a step towards Ashley, mouth opening, just hoping that she could get the girl to understand.

Glen's head peaked around the corner, looking genuinely interested until his eyes fell on Ashley. "Hey! Who was it at th- Oh. It's just you."

For a second it appeared as though he would retreat back into the living room, but he just leaned against the wall, arms crossed on his chest. "So what happened at your house?"

"Glen, shut up. It's not your business."

"You're my sister. You message me to pick you up at **her** house, and when I do, you jump into the car like something's chasing you. I think it **is** my business."

Spencer shook her head and glanced over at Ashley, waiting for her to start comparing her brother to the jockstrap he wears. The blonde was shocked to see Ashley just standing there. She reached out, taking her hand in her own and began to make her way up the stairs.

"Whatever. But don't say I never have your back!" Glen's words made Spencer smile faintly. Sometimes she wouldn't trade her ass of a brother for the entire world.

The door clicked shut softly as Spencer leaned back on it, watching Ashley stand in the middle of her room.

"Are you okay?"

A small smile curved on Ashley's face. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

The very same smile from the other night. Spencer felt her stomach flip over a few times and forced herself to swallow past the lump that suddenly appeared there.

_If she closed her eyes, she could still see Ashley moving closer to her, her perfume so light but weighing down with something completely **her**. She could feel the dress on her, shifting against her skin as the brunette leaned closer on the bed. She could still feel Ashley's breath._

She was in another world, but she couldn't taste it yet. Her tongue peeked out and slowly moistened her lips, her breathing coming out of her mouth now.

Fingertips on her bare arm snapped her out of it. Blue struggled to focus on brown, to come out of the heavy fog she had found herself in.

"I'm so sorry about the other night, Spence. So sorry. I didn't want it to be like that." Her fingers slid down the blonde's skin as she spoke, leaving a trail of goose bumps that Spencer was forced to notice, slowly lacing their fingers together at the end.

She was finding it hard to concentrate on what Ashley was saying. Hell, she could barely keep her breathing normal, trying to ignore what felt like the biggest rollercoaster drop of her life. She just tried as hard as she could to listen to the girl in front of her continue on.

"When I was with you, I didn't even remember Aiden was there. It was just us, Spence. I nev-"

"I wanted you to kiss me, Ash." Spencer shocked herself with the change in her own voice. Deeper, more raw. She also saw Ashley's features brighten after a moment. "But I couldn't do it. Not there, and not like it was."

Ashley nodded, pausing before moving a little closer. Spencer's eyes moved from Ashley's down to her lip gloss covered mouth, her neck, and then back up. She was getting closer, tilting her head. "What about now, Spence?" It was barely a whisper, but it shook Spencer to her core. She tightened her fingers on Ashley's before opening her mouth.

"Not yet."


	3. Strange & Beautiful

Spencer stretched gingerly for the remote to turn off the television, trying not to disturb the girl who had fallen asleep with her head resting gently against her shoulder. Turning her head slightly, she looked down at the mass of curls and smiled faintly. A chill went up her spine as Ashley began to breathe out of her mouth, the heat blowing across her arm. Goosebumps raised quickly all along her body, and she just sat there, torn between stopping the igniting fire in the pit of her stomach by getting up or just…

_Ashley dropped her head to the blonde's shoulder in a way that Spencer could only describe as defeated. She was sure Ashley wasn't used to being denied something as simple as a kiss. Though it wasn't really something so simple to Spencer, she realized as she wrapped her arms around the brunette, holding her close. _

_"I'm sorry, Ash." Her voice was soft, just above a whisper, and she cursed herself at how it trembled. _

_She felt Ashley nod against her neck, a warm sigh breezing over her skin. She bit her bottom lip and grasped for all of her strength to pull away from the girl in her arms. _

_Brown met blue, Spencer searching for something or anything, until all she could do was slip away to the side and slowly make her way to the middle of the room where she soon grew cold. She felt Ashley's eyes boring into her. It didn't help her goose bumps in the slightest. She spun around, forcing a bright smile at the other girl. _

_"Let's watch a movie."_

"Ashley?" She whispered right next to the brunette's face. Spencer reached over to move a lock of hair out of Ashley's closed eyes, tucking it behind her ear. She stirred, a tiny whimper coming from her throat.

"Ash, it's late…"

"Mmmpphh."

Spencer just smiled and slowly moved off the bed, letting Ashley's head fall onto her pillows, a strangled noise coming from the girl as her body position changed rapidly. The blonde began rummaging around her drawers, pulling out clothes and tossing them to Ashley, who was now watching from her spot on the bed. Spencer cocked her head to the side at the look Ashley was giving her. The blonde smiled shyly, which grew into a grin as it was returned. She leaned against her bureau as she took Ashley in completely. Her eyes traveling over the girl much in the same way she had done after their excursion to the beach.

"So…You're not gonna change?"

"You're not gonna help me?" Spencer dropped her jaw for a moment before smirking, shaking her head at how corrupted Ashley could be.

"You wish." Spencer rolled her eyes at Ashley, barely controlling her rapidly spreading blush, and began to change.

Ashley stood, holding the clothes given to her. She brushed past Spencer slowly, locking their eyes for a moment; all smiles void from her face as her voice reached a new tone she had never heard before. "I think we both do."


	4. Disintegration

Awkwardness was beginning to take its toll on Spencer. The almost-kiss. Ashley on her doorstep. The brunette's second attempt and obvious disappointment. Spencer couldn't help but selfishly enjoy that night. Ashley cared for her enough as a friend to track her down, and as more than that for her to pursue Spencer so relentlessly. Enough to fall asleep on her shoulder, to stay the night, to sleep in a slightly more than friends position together…

_Her eyes refused to open. They tried and immediately regretted it, a muffled groan escaping her mouth. The sunlight was too intense and directly in her eyes. Spencer began to stretch, arching her body. Her foot collided with a leg behind her, shocking her completely. She ran her foot down the length of it, noting how small and smooth it was. Just as she was beginning to piece the night before in her mind, a voice interrupted her thoughts. _

_"If you wanted to play footsie, you just had to ask." The voice was groggy and raw. And right next to her ear. She was now aware of the hand on her hip as she felt a squeeze and a shifting in the space behind her. It made Spencer blush a deep red all the way down her neck, and a small cold sweat to break out, causing a shiver that ran from head to toe. _

_"Cold?" Spencer shook her head quickly. Now or never. She gently began turning over on her other side to face Ashley. She bit her lip as Ashley's hand slide across her abdomen and settled on her other side. The sight of the brunette made Spencer grin widely, a slow chuckle coming out. _

_"What? Is there something on my face?" Spencer only shook her head, a silent laughter overtaking her, forcing her to bury her face into the pillow they seemed to have shared in the night, until the laughter subsided. _

_"That's a very…**Roar** look, Ash." Ashley looked at her as if insanity was settling in. Spencer reached up and took a piece of Ashley's dark curls and moved it across to the other side of her head. Puppy dog brown eyes stared at Spencer. _

_"You shouldn't laugh at other people's bed head, just because yours comes out perfectly in place." _

_Spencer just smiled. "It works for you." _

_They stayed like that for what seemed like ages. Ashley's hand on her hip began a simple stroking, bringing back that cold sweat to the blonde. They traced each other's visible features with their eyes, occasionally locking together. Spencer was sure if you mixed blue and brown it made something different and wonderful. _

_That thought led her to finally raise her hand hesitantly and place it on Ashley's side. Her skin felt warm through the shirt Spencer let her borrow. _

_Ashley just smiled at her._

It was becoming a strange game of Jenga. They were taking out the pieces already there and trying to building new from all of it.

"God, I hate that game!"

"What game?"

Spencer looked up in confusion before realizing she had spoken aloud. Ashley looked at her with a smirk on her face as she sat down at their lunch table. The blonde smiled shyly and turned a little pink.

"Oh, Jenga. Horrible game. It's too much metaphor for me."

Ashley grinned at her before rummaging around in her bag for a piece of gum that she offered to Spencer. Shaking her head, she pushed all of the apocalyptic thoughts out of her head.

"That's why I like my life metaphorically free. Makes life a whole lot simpler. What you see is what you get, my friend." Ashley gestured to herself, making Spencer chuckle softly.

"So, what are the plans for this weekend?"

"Well, I don't know about you, since I'm all out of Magic 8 Balls, but I have a date tomorrow night."

Spencer just stared at her, completely dumbfounded. "What? With who?"

"Her name is Josie. We met at the club the other night." Ashley grinned, slinging her bag over her shoulder again as she stood. "And she's hot."

Spencer's mind was spinning. What happened to last week? She couldn't tell if she wasn't breathing enough or was breathing too much. She just knew that her Jenga tower was teetering on the edge because of the piece Ashley just took, no, **shoved** out. So much for metaphor free lives.

"But…Y-You don't even know her. I don't think you should." Spencer was grasping for anything to hold on to. Anything to make Ashley change her mind.

"Why not?" Ashley looked at her critically, as if daring the blonde to speak her mind.

Spencer looked down at her hands, voice soft. "I'm just looking out for you. Sorry. It's just… What about us?"

Ashley leaned against the table top, palms flat. "Spence, I think we both know that we're both interested. But, my social life isn't gonna stop because you're figuring out who you are. I'm not going anywhere. When you do figure everything out, I'll be here."

Confusion and hurt. Volatile mixture. It bubbled and it burned Spencer's insides, forcing her to open her mouth. "Yeah, you'll be here after you roll out of your bed with the person you were with the night before! You hook up with people for no reason!"

"Why should you care? It's not like you're my **girlfriend**!" The look on Ashley's face made blue eyes go wide with the low blow.

"It's a damn good thing, too! Maybe I won't want you there when I figure everything out."

Ashley narrowed her eyes at Spencer and spun on her heel to walk away. Spencer watched as Ashley turned the corner, and continued staring at the same spot for several moments before letting out a deep sigh and cursing.


	5. Static

She was lonely. Her pride had subsided enough to admit that. And as much as she loved her family, there was only so much 'Carlin Family Time' that she could stomach. Her whole weekend had been Ashley-free so far. It didn't stop her mind from wandering Saturday evening though, while she was curled up on the living room couch.

Spencer wrapped her arms around her middle as she sat there, half lying down in her pajamas. The house was so quiet save for the television. The cars were gone, along with her brothers. Even Clay had another date. She was alone in the house with her parents. No escape.

The television was boring holes into her eyes but she couldn't look away. Real World marathon on MTV. Spencer remembered her first afternoon with Ashley.

_They are **not** the only choice… _

_A touch. A look. Ashley's hand sliding over hers for that moment. It clicked and sent a thrill through her. Of course it was wrong. That flip in her stomach wasn't from Ashley. It couldn't be. That flutter in her stomach was the darker reminder that it was something that she should never feel. _

_She saw the smirk Ashley had on her face when she pulled her hand back. Another wrong tremor running through her body that Spencer covered up by clearing her throat oh-so-unsubtly, focusing on the television._

"Los Angeles is too dramatic…" She said the familiar phrase to herself, sighing and shifting her position on the couch.

"I thought this year was Austin?" Arthur rounded the corner and leaned on the back of the couch, looking down at her. Spencer continued to stare at the screen. The flashes of lights and colors, montages of these people's lives, the music thumping right into her brain.

"Are you okay, honey?"

"I'm fine."

"I haven't seen or heard about Ashley all weekend. Are things alright between you guys?"

Spencer just wanted to melt into the couch and never be noticed. No, she just didn't want her feelings to be noticed. She didn't want anyone to see the flinch every time someone said the brunette's name.

"Maybe it's a good thing that Ashley hasn't been around." Spencer's brow furrowed at the sound of her mother's hinting voice coming out of nowhere, but she refused to look away from the screen.

"Mom..." Spencer carried a tone of aggravation and pleading in her voice. Not tonight. Just not right now. Any other time. When there's not a fracture on the inside.

"I'm just saying-"

"Don't…Please?"

Arthur leaned down and kissed the top of Spencer's head and gently squeezed her shoulder. "Actually, I miss hearing you two laughing and talking around the house. It'll be fine, sweetheart."

She couldn't help but smile when he began to walk away despite her mother's noise of exasperation as she left the room. Her smile slid off the blonde's face a moment later as her phone began vibrating from a message. Looking at the screen she saw Ashley's name.

"can we talk?"

Spencer paused. Anything was better than this. Plus, she couldn't very well turn the girl away without having to explain to her parents. Well. Spencer grimaced when she thought of the joy it could possibly bring to her mother at turning Ashley away. She took a quick glance around her before typing back. Less than a minute later, despite herself, a grin lit her face while she read Ashley's response.

"i'll be there in 5mins"

Spencer shut off the television and began pacing around the room, suddenly anxious, fingers wringing together. The blonde forced herself to slow down when she saw a set of headlights pull into the driveway.

She slowly opened the front door and stepped outside into the cool evening, shutting the door behind her. Her thumbs hooked into her pajama pants at her hips to stop her hands from showing her unease. Spencer waited like this while Ashley stepped out of the car and slowly made her way over.

What was she going to say? What could make things better? What would finally get them to--No.

One step at a time.


	6. A Million City Lights

Spencer hugged herself closer inside of Ashley's black sweatshirt. She was beginning to think maybe she should have changed before leaving. They both sat on the hood of Ashley's car, overlooking the city. The blonde recognized it as their run away spot the night of the dance. A chilling breeze made Spencer's body tighten and retreat further into the sweatshirt. As her nose tucked under the collar she breathed in slowly, her eyes closing at the smell of the Ashley's perfume lingering on the fabric.

_Ashley stopped right in front of her. She was close enough to smell a mixture of perfume and smoke from some club. She moved slowly. Or was Spencer's mind slowing it down? It gave her time to back away. If she wanted. Her hand came out and let her fingers wrap around Spencer's wrist, and she give it a small tug. _

_"Come on. Let's go talk." She saw Ashley look at her house, trying to peer into the darkened windows for some sign of life. Another tug. Stomach. Wrist. Same thing. _

_Spencer let herself be slowly led to the car. Ashley's grip on her wrist loosened and was beginning to slip away. For that one moment Spencer let herself act on impulse. She grasped at Ashley's hand, linking their fingers and pulled the girl close to her. Their hands hung between them while the blonde's arm wrapped around the girl's neck, moving her into a tight hug._

_"I missed you." Spencer whispered against Ashley's skin, shivering slightly, and then pulled away, a shade of pink in her cheeks. She moved around the car and slid in, waiting for Ashley to do the same._

"I missed you too, Spence." Ashley was looking at her. Her eyes were shut but she could feel it. She always knew when she was watching her. Spencer smiled under the sweatshirt and opened her eyes. The city was lit below her, burning bright and brilliant. Leaning, she settled herself on her back on top of Ashley's car, staring at the sky above her. It was empty. Blank. Ashley followed her lead and lowered herself down beside her.

"I guess the city makes up for the lack of sky." Ashley's voice was amused.

"It's definitely not like Ohio. You can always see the stars, even in cities. But LA has its advantages." She turned her head and smiled, letting her hand move over the hood of the car and to Ashley's. The smile was returned before Ashley looked back at the blanket of darkness covering them. Spencer never looked away.

"You got to be jealous of Kelly. Why couldn't I be?"

_She could own up to the fact that she was pleased when Ashley had admitted she had been jealous. Even in a 'friend' kind of way. Spencer held onto the hug, even in her awkward position on the bench in the hallway. Fingernails slowly rubbed on her back and shoulder. She just wanted to stand up and hug her properly…_

"I don't know, Spence." Spencer felt their fingers lace together, and watched as Ashley looked back at her again. "But I'm sorry."

The blonde's lips curled slightly, casting her eyes upward to trace a blinking light she decided was a plane. She waited until Ashley did the same.

"Me too."


	7. Caught Off Guard

She couldn't really argue. He was nice. He was cute. Why shouldn't she give Aiden another go? Immediately, her mind turned to Ashley. They had finally had some peace and calm for a week or so. Well. Except for the break in. The blonde took the heat for her rebellious activities, so Ashley could walk away without her parent's blame, or worse. And she finally ditched Josie, which made it worthwhile in Spencer's mind.

_"I used to think no one cared about what happened to me. And then I met you." _

_Shy smiles. Glances at each other. Spencer felt like she was heading down the big drop on a rollercoaster. She wanted to reach out with her hand, to reassure Ashley that she certainly was here. With her. _

_Then the earthquake. _

_She wasn't planning on her first time being that close to Ashley happening in a 'natural disaster.' Being part of a doorframe sandwich, jostled back and forth, her brother's arms around them both wasn't her idea of thrilling._

Solitary confinement was finally coming to an end, and it seemed as though Aiden decided to spring to action. Pulling Spencer aside he quietly asked her if she'd go out with him.

So here she was. What reason did Spencer have to think anything would happen between her and Ashley soon? Canceling out all guys would just void her internal research on her sexuality, anyway. Right?

Finally she nodded slightly, and he broke into a large grin.

"I'll pick you up at eight, then?" Slowly backing away, his smile never faltering.

Spencer nodded again, this time more firmly. She watched him curiously as he turned around and began to walk down the halls. She couldn't contain the little laugh that escaped when she saw him keep twisting his head around to look back at her.

As she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder, Spencer neglected to see Ashley approaching, while she spun around right into the brunette, almost losing her balance.

"Oh! Hey Ash."

"Walking disaster, much?"

A blonde eyebrow arched, causing Ashley to grin.

"Just kidding. Anyways. So, uh...Date with Aiden, huh?"

"How'd you-?"

"I have eyes and ears, Spence."

Spencer's cheeks began to flush, unsure if her embarrassment was because of Aiden or because of Ashley.


	8. Get It Faster

Spencer's fingers hovered over the call button. She needed Ashley. She needed to tell her. She was ready.

_His lips were wet, sliding across hers. Rough hands running under the back of her shirt. She enjoyed it. She wanted more of it. Spencer was able to think of Aiden and not be grossed out. He didn't shove his tongue down her mouth. He teased and tempted her, pulling her in for more. _

_But part of her wasn't present. Half of her mind was elsewhere, wondering where Ashley was, what she was doing, who she was with. Every so often, she could swear it was Ashley she was kissing. _

_Sometimes his aftershave turned into Ashley's perfume. And sometimes the fingers massaging her back weren't large and calloused, but were slender and had manicured nails. The chills weren't from him lifting her shirt a bit, but by the night on Ashley's car. She should have kissed her then. Even if it was on the cheek. Anything. _

_"It's okay." She could swear she heard Ashley's voice again, and the fingers curling on the side of her neck. _

_A soft moan came from somewhere in Spencer's throat. Aiden answered back with a low voice. "Spencer…" _

_It shook her. She wasn't expecting his voice. She didn't know if she wanted to hear it or not. She pulled back, sighing. _

_"What's wrong?" She almost cringed at the sincerity in his voice. He actually cared about her, and she was thinking of someone else. Again. _

_"I should get home."_

She pushed it. It dialed and began ringing, only to be picked up by the voice mail.

"Apparently, I'm out having more fun than you. Leave it."

"Ashley! Hey, it's me. I really need to talk to you. Please? Call me back when you get this."


	9. Stay On My Side Tonight

She cradled the head in her lap, slowly running her fingers through the dark brown hair, stifling a yawn. Spencer looked down at Ashley and couldn't help the smile, even through the situation. She let her nails gently graze over the brunette's forehead, tracing her eyebrows, down to her cheeks. They stilled at the edge of her lips. She never got the chance to openly admire and appreciate her best friend. There was always something in the way, such as Ashley's consciousness. She gave in.

_Spencer groaned in frustration when her cell phone started ringing and it wasn't Ashley. Again. How long did she have to wait? _

_"Aiden, I really don't have time to talk to-" _

_"Spencer, you gotta get to Ashley's house! Right now. She's…not doing so hot. She wants you." _

_Her heart stopped. Then skipped a beat or two._

Even when she was sick like this, Ashley couldn't look better. Spencer shifted, moving Ashley closer. The pad of her thumb slid over the girl's bottom lip. They parted, a small groan coming from Ashley.

"Ash?" Spencer didn't dare to speak louder than a whisper. She removed her fingers from the girl's face and went back to running them through her hair, soothingly massaging her scalp as she went. A moment later, brown eyes fluttered open, fighting to focus on the figure above her. Spencer noticed the rising sun was making her squint from being directly in her eyes. She started to slide off of Ashley's bed, a hand reached out to grasp for her. Her heart wanted to break at the look Ashley gave her.

"I'll be right back, Ashley. I'm just shutting the blinds, I promise. I'm not leaving."

_A party. Of course. Spencer thought she could hear the sound of her eyes rolling so hard that they hit the back of her skull. And everyone was still there, having the time of their lives. _

_"Get everyone out of here."_

She settled back down, gently lifting Ashley's head and placing it back in her lap. The brunette stared up, trying to make out a face in the curtain of blonde hair that hung all around her. She reached out and tucked a good amount behind Spencer's ear, letting her hand rest on her cheek. The blonde smiled and covered it with her own. She entwined their fingers.

"I was wondering when you'd wake up again, you know."

_She found her practically draped over the toilet, hair everywhere. Spencer pulled the clip from her own head and began to gather the brown curls and pinned them together, out of Ashley's face. _

_"Ashley! Ash, come on! Wake up. I need to get you upstairs and cleaned up." _

_She hauled the girl to her feet despite the grumbling, holding her up with her arms. Grabbing a wet washcloth she held it in the other hand after flushing the toilet. The blonde began to make her way through the house and up the stairs. Ashley's head lolled around, but she kept moving her feet, much to the relief of Spencer. She finally settled her face against Spencer's shoulder. _

_"Spence. You came." _

_Fighting to open the door, Spencer couldn't help but be slightly annoyed at the disbelief she heard, the slurring speech and the reeking of alcohol that came from Ashley's mouth. "Of course I did."_

She was hugging her tightly, completely bent over to reach her. Spencer pulled her face back just slightly. "I'm just glad you're okay."

She let her face hang there above Ashley's for a moment. She enjoyed watching the pupils dilate, turning the brown eyes almost black. Spencer was sure her eyes were doing the same.

_She tugged the shirt onto Ashley's body. The girl couldn't be comfortable in those clothes. Spencer refused to believe anyone would choose skin tight clothes over soft pajamas. _

_Ashley was lowered to the bed while Spencer sat next to her, slowly cleaning her face with the washcloth she nicked from downstairs._

"My head kills." It was only a croak, but Spencer heard it all the same. Even in her closeness, her hand began moving through brown curls all over again.

A satisfied groan. A shift closer. A kiss on the forehead. Lingering.

Spencer didn't pull back. Her face just moved lower. Their noses bumped and brushed. Pink lips parted and began to breathe across Ashley's face. Her breath sped up at the thought of what she was about to do. She licked her lips nervously, aware of Ashley watching her.

"It's okay…"

A free hand curled around the back of the brunette's neck and lifted her slowly. Spencer's lips found the corner of her mouth, pressing firmly. Her mind was spinning, but she felt Ashley's fingers against her cheek. Her lips parted and shifted. They found each other.

A tightness was constricting Spencer's chest.

Breathe. Bite. Breathe. Lick. Breathe. Suck. Repeat.

They found a slow rhythm, lips opening and closing against one another. As Spencer's mouth secured Ashley's bottom lip, she felt the girl try and sit up to be closer. She broke the kiss, pushing gently on Ashley's chest to make her lie back again.

Before the brunette could protest, Spencer smiled, leaning down to kiss her forehead again. "I told you I wasn't going anywhere."

Spencer held her close to her and leaned back against the bed frame, closing her eyes for a moment…


	10. Always Love

She started to stretch but quickly stopped when she realized that she was still fully clothed and lying in a strange angle. An annoyed groan turned into a completely pitiful whine as Spencer thought of the physical effort needed to remedy the issues at hand. Mentally preparing herself, she stayed still for a moment before sucking in a deep breath and hoisting herself up, rolling over the edge of the bed. Her eyes swept the room, trying to gather her thoughts of what she needed to do first. They finally fell to the bed, and the body that was sprawled there.

A small giggle escaped her lips while she let the image soak into her memory. One golden leg was raised higher than the other, but both pants to the pajamas (Which Spencer now saw were completely mismatched with the top she blindly grabbed from the bureau the night before) had ridden up to bunch around the knees. The mass of brown curls was blocking the face she could only imagine looked so peaceful. No frowns, no smiles. Just smooth planes of skin, sloping and dipping, to make the face that was Ashley Davies.

Shaking her head, she began padding around the room, gathering some pajamas before heading down the hall quietly to the bathroom.

_She hadn't been asleep for more than an hour. Something was pulling her. Pulling her so she was lying down on her back. _

_She was so far gone from coherent thought, her eyes fighting to flutter open only to slide shut moments later. She vaguely recalled an arm being placed around her middle. A face was settled in the crook of her shoulder. She was warm, and that's all that mattered. _

_That and sleep._

Spencer rubbed the towel roughly against her head, trying not to drip as she shut Ashley's door softly behind her. She wasn't expecting to hear a voice from the bed.

"Morning."

Spencer gasped, jumping slightly. "Oh my god! Didn't anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on people?"

"Saying 'Morning' from across the room is sneaking up on you? That's pretty sad, Spence." A smirk curled Ashley's lips. There goes the stomach again. Spencer sighed in mock defeat.

"I'm jumpy. Sue me." She made her way to Ashley's bureau, grabbing a hair clip and twisting her wet hair to the top of her head. She tossed her towel to the laundry hamper in the corner before turning to look back at the girl who was now sitting up.

Spencer stood there, crossing one arm around her middle, the other hanging at her side. She started to feel a chill. A drop of water was sliding from her hair down the back of her neck. Ashley was biting on her bottom lip. The combination caused Spencer to flush. Spencer saw Ashley notice it, and watched as the girl cocked her head to the side, amusement in her voice.

"Come here."

Spencer obeyed, but not without a pause. A look of slight paranoia held fast on her face as she took the few steps to the bed. The mattress dipped accordingly when she lowered herself gingerly in front of Ashley.

"What was that this morning?"

Blue eyes shot downwards. Suddenly, they seemed entranced in the bedspread. Fingers followed, tracing the pattern. Spencer opened her mouth, a sound coming out and then it was stopped by her lips closing again. But Ashley wasn't letting her off. She reached over and placed her hand over Spencer's.

_"They are **not** the only choice."_

The blonde swallowed and looked up at Ashley, meeting her eyes. Out of habit, she reached to push hair behind her ear that wasn't there. She mentally cursed the hair clip.

"I like you." A dark eyebrow arched. Spencer pushed onwards. "Which, is obvious, yeah, I know. But…I'm okay with doing this now." She turned her hand over and curled her fingers around the others. "I think, anyhow."

"Spence, if this is because of-"

"No! I mean, it was, but it's not. It's because of everything. Even that. It's just…I trust you. You aren't going to take me to some make out spot and dump me off somewhere if I turn you down. You won't let me throw myself at you when I'm drunk and take advantage of it…" As her voice gained more confidence, she began scooting closer to Ashley until their knees were touching.

"If I'm going to be with people, and thinking about you, why should I even bother with the charade?" She paused, taking a breath. "And, if I'm going to be finding out who I am, I can't do it without my best friend…You had me worried last night."

"I know Spence. I'm sorry, and I've been saying that a lot lately, but believe me. I was upset. I thought I lost my chance. So I vented. I vented in a bad way. But...You **did** come rescue me."

A smile was beginning to form on the brunette's face, and Spencer couldn't help but grin widely.

"You still have your chance, Ashley." She felt her cheeks begin burning. "And so do I."

She felt a hand brush her cheek before fingers slid into her wet hair, pulling her closer. Ashley's face was coming. Her breath began to wash over the blonde. Spencer crinkled her nose and turned her face to the side.

"Ash…You have beer and puke morning breath…" She placed a quick kiss to her jaw before Ashley groaned in annoyance, falling back onto the bed.

Even as Spencer watched with a smile as Ashley stomped around the room, crying aloud about her hangover like a child, she couldn't help the nagging feeling of what was going to happen when she told her family…


	11. Roman Rule

Spencer slowly shut the door with a soft click. She stood still, listening for a sound, for anything. Hearing nothing, she began to tiptoe up the stairs. Looking up, she was greeted by the sight of an exhausted Paula. Blue eyes slid shut, cringing as she prepared for the assault.

"Where have you been?" She noted the control that was wavering in her mother's voice. Opening her eyes again, she saw the parental worry all over her face. "Ashley's. She needed help…"

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Mom—"

"Spencer, what on earth have you been doing all this time?"

Spencer blushed, and looked down at her feet.

_The blonde muted the television as Ashley came back into the room, much as she had a while ago. She smiled, pulling herself up to sit against the pillows as she watched Ashley go through the post-shower routine._

_She turned to Spencer, her hands firmly on her hips, blocking the television. "There. Vomit free. Teeth brushed, mouth-washed, and hell, I even flossed for you." A smirk was on her mouth. Spencer couldn't help but stare at the pink lips before shifting her gaze to Ashley's brown._

_A blush was spreading across Spencer's cheeks. She let her eyes wander over the body of the girl in front of her. Swallowing past the nervous lump there, she bit her lip._

"_You're blocking my MTV."_

_Brown eyes narrowed playfully. Reaching behind her, Ashley's hand found the power button, effectively turning off all distractions. Spencer trembled slightly as Ashley made her way over to her._

"I-I told you! I was helping Ashley. She was in trouble."

"Just because your friend is trouble doesn't mean that you need to drag yourself into it as well, Spencer!"

Spencer slowly was climbing the stairs, closer and closer to her mother and her judgments. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"No, Spencer! It's not okay! You can't come running in and out of the house at all hours. You didn't even answer your phone. You could have been on the side of the highway, and met me for my morning shift at the hospital!"

Confused, Spencer pulled her phone out of the sweatshirt, and sure enough, she missed two phone calls only a couple hours earlier. Opening her mouth, her head tilted to the side a little, looking at her glaring mother. "I…I guess it was on silent."

_She shook as Ashley's mouth played with her bottom lip. One of her arms hooked around the brunette's neck, holding her to her, while the other was gently stroking the tanned face against hers. _

_She melted into Ashley, amazed she had never felt this before. Every guy before had been all hard edges, rough, and with a lack of thoughtfulness. This small girl in front of her put them all to shame. The body standing so close to her own was soft and warm. It was comfortable and…natural. The brunette's hands were firm against Spencer's back, but she never trapped her in the embrace._

_She couldn't help it when she hissed softly, arching her lower back. Ashley's lips were moving across her jaw, and cool fingers and nails stroked the skin exposed on her back. She didn't know why Ashley pulled back and looked at her, concerned. "Are you okay?"_

_A nod. Lips met again. Spencer shifted her weight from one foot to the other, unwilling to break the contact their bodies had._

"Spencer…What's going on between you and Ashley?"

Spencer's eyes turned wide, her jaw dropping in shock. "What are you talking about? She's my best friend. If this is about me leaving last ni—"

"Yes, it's about that. And all the other times you haven't been your usual self because of that girl."

This is it. So close. Spencer couldn't think straight. Straight?

"Maybe I've never been…myself…until we moved here." Spencer began walking down the hall to her room, swinging the door open.

_They were on the bed, bodies close, buried under the blankets. Spencer smiled at Ashley genuinely, nothing hidden anymore. No more fear of…feelings. The brunette reached over, tucking blonde hair behind an ear. _

_Spencer had chuckled softly when Ashley removed the hair clip while her lips had been suctioned on her collarbone. She immediately began running her fingers through the blonde tresses._

_Spencer was practically glowing at the tenderness Ashley had shown her. It wasn't something the average person got to see. Her ego swelled at that. _

_Spencer whimpered and the world stopped. Ashley's hands would retreat and her lips hovered near the blonde's. She'd breathe her questions onto Spencer's face. Spencer would shake her head, terrified of Ashley continuing, but just as scared of the thought of her stopping._

_They found her breaking point. Only so much new information in a morning. But Ashley hadn't been put off at the need to stop. She had understood her. It was nothing Spencer hadn't done before, but it was all so brand new…_

"Spencer! We're not done!" Her mother's voice invaded her thoughts as footsteps came closer on the wooden floor of the hallway.

"Why not! I said I was sorry! It won't happen again." Frustration was building in her, causing her to grip her cell phone until her knuckles turned white.

"I want you to stop seeing Ashley. She's changed you, Spencer."

Spencer looked at her mother is disbelief. "You want me to stop hanging out with one of the only friends I have here?"

"Maybe you'd have more friends if you made the effort!"

"I don't** want** other friends! I have Ashley…And that's enough for me. I'm sorry it's not enough for you." Spencer turned her back towards her mother, trying to hide the pained expression on her face.

"I just want the best for you. I don't want you being dragged down and changed by someone…like her." The tone in her voice changed on the last few words, making Spencer spin around.

A little more. Closer.

"What do you mean?"

"Spencer, she's gay! I don't want you being influenced…" Blue eyes moved to the floor.

Spencer took a deep breath unable to keep her voice from trembling from the intensity. "I'm…more myself…than I have ever been…And it's because of Ashley."

There was a pregnant silence, and it was killing Spencer with the weight of it.

"I…I think I'm gay." It was hardly above a whisper. The lack of noise that buzzed in her ears made Spencer wonder if her mother had heard her at all. She felt her heart slamming inside of her chest, and was suddenly lightheaded. She said it. She said it, and there was nothing left to say.

_She was back into her own clothes, and couldn't help but longingly stare at the warm pajamas she had shed. She shuffled around as Ashley dressed herself, and smiled when she found Ashley's black sweatshirt on the back of the chair at her desk. She turned her head, giggling softly when Ashley stumbled a little while pulling on some jeans._

"_Ash?" Spencer lifted the sweatshirt, her fingers stroking the standard cotton material. She felt the girl come up behind her. A hand was on her hip, warming Spencer's skin, even through the jeans. _

"_Take it."_

"_I should have kissed you that night." There was a touch of sadness in her voice, as if apologizing._

"_You weren't ready, and that's cool, Spence."_

_Spencer turned around, still holding the sweatshirt. Leaning in, she placed a soft kiss on Ashley's lips. She still found herself hesitant, even after learning the depths and talents of the brunette's mouth for the past hour. Ashley's lips pulled into a smile against her own. They broke, Ashley reaching around and giving Spencer's bottom a quick smack. She yelped, pink coloring her cheeks._

"_Time to get you home."_

_Spencer wasted no time in pulling the sweatshirt over her head. She was enveloped in the scent of Ashley._


	12. I Forget I'm Still Awake

"_I wish you'd let me be there for you, Spence." Ashley reached for a nervous hand across the car. Spencer smiled ruefully, and just shook her head._

"_I don't need to give my mom even more reason to push me to get other friends."_

_Brown eyes looked over at her, twinkling. "You mean she doesn't love my winning charm and personality?"_

"It's because of **her**, isn't it?" Paula's voice was accusing, already. All Spencer could do was shake her head violently, desperately.

"No! God, no. No one has done something to me. Brainwashed me. Influenced me."

"Spencer, you're not ga—"

"Yes, I am!" Tears began to well, threatening to overflow. "And I care about Ashley. I'm not going to stop seeing her." It was added almost as an afterthought. A soft murmur while she bought time to wipe her eyes, downcast at the floor.

_A chuckle came from the blonde, shyly turning her face to look at Ashley. Their gazes locked for several moments before Spencer sighed quietly. "Assuming I still have my phone when today is over, I'll call you?"_

"_Already planned on it."_

The phone in Spencer's hand began to vibrate loudly, making her jump. A strangled noise came from the girl's throat, knowing who it was without looking. She felt helpless in that moment. Her eyes darted from the flashing lights on the phone to her mother, and then back again.

"You're not answering that. You're not talking to her anymore."

_Spencer spread her arms and leaned over, pulling Ashley into a tight hug. Even when aware of the windows to her house being a gateway to the driveway, she shivered inside of the black sweatshirt when Ashley's lips found a sensitive spot of flesh underneath her ear. _

_It turned into a full shudder when she felt breath over her skin, between the soft kisses, whispering in her ear. "Just remember that things can't be bad forever, Spence. It can only get better." They both tightened their arms around each other. Spencer couldn't help but turn her head to the side for a second and burying her nose into the crook of Ashley's neck, before pulling away._

Spencer sat there on the edge of her bed. It was quiet all through the house. Except for the yelling downstairs. Her mother's voice was shrill as she tried to drown out her father. Once he had woken up, the arguing began. The blonde sighed shakily, ignoring the blurry vision she was accustomed to by the crying, and desperately wishing her cell phone was anywhere but down on the kitchen counter. It had been confiscated when Ashley called.

A light rapping on the door pulled Spencer back from her thoughts. Petrified, she said nothing. The door opened anyway, and a blonde head peeked in. Glen slid inside, leaving the door open a crack. He was quiet, hands shoved inside of his pockets.

Spencer braced herself for the insults to come, but they didn't. At the silence, she looked up into his face. He took the few strides to her and crouched down until he was eye level with her on the bed. His hands felt heavy on her shoulders, but he squeezed them tightly before letting go. Before she could finish the words about to come from her mouth, she was cut off.

"You're my sister."


	13. Even All The Bad Songs Ain't So Bad

The locker was fighting with Spencer. She'd pull, and it was as if someone were on the other side holding it tight. She sighed, resting her forehead on the cool metal in defeat while her hand created a fist, reaching up to slam against the grates. It was harder than necessary, but she knew that.

She knew taking her frustration from life out on her poor locker would never make it open. It just felt satisfying though. She hissed in slight pain, making her bring her fist back into striking position. And when a hand closed over hers, she made her jump out of her own skin. Whirling around, arm still in the air, she saw Ashley looking at her curiously.

"You okay, Spence?" Spencer watched the brunette's dark eyebrow knit together in concern. Ashley's hand slowly coaxed her hand from its fist and just held it. She looked down, first at their hands then to anywhere but the girl in front of her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's sore, but I didn't really think the locker would be soft."

"No, I mean…You didn't call. You didn't answer the phone either." The tone in her voice made Spencer wish she could freeze her insides and not feel anything. No guilt. No tenderness. She just wanted to freeze.

_Spencer slowly made her way down the stairs, followed by Glen and Clay. It felt as though it was walking that last mile, to the execution. She walked with a mixture of strength and childish shame, shoulders back and head bowed. _

_As all three Carlin children made their way into the kitchen, Spencer glanced up to see their parents sitting at the dining table. Her mother's eyes were red and puffy from the crying she must have done while arguing with Arthur. It suddenly struck her just how much she took after her. When both females cried, it was as if the ocean itself deepened and was spilling over. But her mother's eyes were also frozen where Spencer's were not. She was looking into cold icicles, and it stung._

_While she may not have taken after her father physically, she had taken his generous personality. The only sign of distress on his face was for his wife's own current status. That's why when she saw the small supportive smile on his face, she could do nothing but let the tears come again._

"I-I know. I'm sorry, I just…" Spencer slipped her hand from Ashley's and re-adjusted the strap from her bag on her shoulder. She faced the locker once again, and attempted to open it in a far more civilized manner. "…There was alo—"

"It's fine, Spence." Ashley cut her off, but Spencer could feel her backing off vocally. The brunette reached in front of her and magically made the locker pop open. Spencer gave a brief sideways glance, mumbling her thanks. She busied herself with switching her books and binders.

"Look, Spence…I can pretty much guess what happened. And trust me when I say I've been the—" She extended a hand to Spencer's shoulder, and forced the blonde to turn and face her. "Look at me."

Spencer cracked her knuckles out of habit and took a moment before she looked up at Ashley. She took note that her vision was blurred with the beginnings of tears. Ashley smiled knowingly and took Spencer's hand, shutting the locker with her free arm. She was being led across the quad reluctantly, protests rising in her throat but never fully making their way out.

They were in a bathroom. And by the look of it, Spencer would guess that no one used it in ages, save for smoking. That's all she could smell in the air there, anyhow.

"You don't need to hide anything in here Spence. No one is here; no one is going to judge you. You don't need to avoid me, like I'm contagious. Just tell me what you want."

Spencer pressed her eyes with her finger and thumb. "I'm not supposed to see you anymore…" Her voice trembled, and her arm wrapped around her middle as a sort of self-comfort. Ashley's whisper was almost her undoing…

"I asked what you wanted, Spence…"

"_She's my best friend! You can't just…take her away from me!" She looked around the table. Arthur was frowning, and reached across the table to hold his daughter's hands in his own. Her mother was unmoving, both in her convictions and facial features. _

_Glen just stared down at the placemat in front of him, fingering the edges. Clay was anxiously looking around at everyone. It couldn't be easy watching this, even now. He had seen enough drama within the foster homes as a young child. Spencer peeled her eyes from her brother and looked back at her father, the one futile hope she had._

"_Dad…"_

"I just want a chance. To be myself." She removed her fingers from her eyes and opened them. A small tear slid down her cheek. Ashley closed the distance between them, a hand rising slowly as if Spencer was a skittish animal. The pad of Ashley's thumb gently brushed the tear away.

"I know how this all feels. Believe me, I do."

Spencer just shook her head, appearing like she was trying to clear her mind forcefully, letting out a tiny sigh. Ashley's arms moved around her waist slowly, pulling her closer. It was a hug, and the one thing Spencer had needed since yesterday. She held on for dear life, like Ashley was her life raft.

Ashley was the first to break the closeness. She reached into her bag and pulled out a disc, looking at it fondly before handing it over to the broken girl in front of her. Spencer raised an eyebrow, in silent question, but she took the disc nonetheless.

"It's a mix. Lame, I know." Spencer couldn't help the giggle that bubbled from her throat. Ashley shot her a smirk before continuing. "It helped me a lot when things were…crap."

Spencer slowly turned the disc end over end in her fingers, watching it for a few moments before meeting Ashley's gaze. She blinked slowly. When she opened her eyes again, she saw herself leaning closer to the brunette. Their lips met in a series of soft brushes. Spencer felt a slight hum of energy flow through her body. Or was she actually humming against Ashley's mouth?

She breathed deeply through her nose and suddenly remembered they were in a rank bathroom at school. Pulling back, she watched Ashley in open admiration. The girl's eyes were still closed, lips parted, a whisper escaping. "You're welcome."

They parted, smiling at one another. Spencer grinning as she watched Ashley survey the bathroom in disgust. "We are going to figure all of this out." She gestured at the room as a whole, but Spencer knew what she meant, and nodded in return.

They made their way into the sunlight and into the mess of people outside. Ashley walked by her side the entire time, when Spencer knew she had a class all the way across the quad in the opposite direction. She glanced over and smiled softly, occasionally letting her hand bump into Ashley's as they walked.


End file.
